EMOTIONAL THINKING

Most of the time we are all emotional thinkers. All the decisions we make during our normal day are guided by our emotions. Nothing wrong with that – except that we end up paying a higher price for life. It would be a better idea to be an  OBSERVER  of our emotions FIRST and then take decisions.

Being an observer of our emotions puts us in control of our lives. Our decisions in everyday usage , so to say, are more controlled and balanced. Emotions lead to haste in decision making, and that is not always desirable.

Anger, love, lust, envy, hatred and greed are some of the primary emotions  that control our decision making abilities. The best part is……….. WE allow them to do so, and in the bargain cloud our own judgment. Personally speaking- I hate loud noises, come Navratri, Govinda, Ganpati or any occasion where there is loud music or noise I can feel a perceptible change in my own behavior. I begin to snap at people at the slightest provocation. The emotion that guides me in these circumstances is irritation or anger. So my entire behavioral demeanor gets into the same mode as my feelings or emotions. Logic or reasoning goes for a complete toss. When I began observing my anger , I actually felt stupid and could smile at my own folly.

Again , once my son ran up a huge amount on his credit card, I impulsively wanted to just clear the debt for him, ASAP. Love took over rationality. First things first I got him out of the debt. Then it dawned on me that I should have counseled him about the trap credit cards are. This way I left him to do likewise again . Fortunately that has not happened …..so far !!

There is always someone in our lives whom we love to hate .We simply do not like the sight of a person, or their habits, or their behavior, or their reactions to situations. So when we come into contact with them, as at times it is unavoidable; we act in a summary manner. We pre-judge such a person. Our conversation turns sarcastic, or demeaning , at times outright insulting. The net result is a feeling of guilt. Well, we brought it upon ourselves in the first place. Didn’t we? Had we paused to observe our emotion of disgust or ego or controlled our thoughts for just a moment BEFORE this interaction- our behavior would have been entirely different.

Envy is another emotion that creeps into our behavioral pattern very very quietly and can mess us up royally. The neighbours got the latest model of the Ford car. Why not me? All the people in my building have upgraded to Led or Lcd flat screen TVs. Why not me?The neighbouring shopkeeper has completely Airconditioned his shop ….i must do the same at any cost!.....whoa!! We end up with an expense we DID NOT NEED, till a little while ago. Yet we begged , borrowed, or stole to just keep up with the Joneses. In these hard times we just created another EMI to repay. Why? Is the question you should ask yourself. Observe your emotion – if it is just a feeling of envy that controls your buying decision …….just drop it like a hot brick.

Our children trust us implicitly and unconditionally. Some of us are guilty of pushing them into modeling or acting at the first opportunity that presents itself. Presumably the stakes are quite high in these fields. There is a good amount of money to be made. We can save up for the child’s future expenses with this money………….nothing wrong with that, except maybe we are just playing with the emotional development and future of our child. Agreed, not all child stars are “pushed” into acting by the parents but there are instances where a child has completely lost the opportunity of a normal childhood because of the greed factor of their parents.

It is vital to use our minds and emotions in our favor, not against ourselves. Just be an observer NOT a reactor to your emotions. Most people don’t know that it is their EMOTIONS that are doing the thinking.

YOUR EMOTIONS ARE YOUR EMOTIONS ………..BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO DO YOUR OWN THINKING.

the reluctant writer

fwriterr@gmail.com

THE MOTHER OF ALL LAWS

The most potent force in the world which has ever been in existence, is the combined force of the “Laws of Attraction and Gratitude”.  No author or person, living or dead, can claim a copyright or patent over it.  If at all, then it is mother nature’s law.  It has always been around, waiting for us to apply it towards our well being in a CONSCIOUS manner.  The fact remains that the law is applying itself to our lives regardless of our awareness of its existence.

At the cost of sounding clichéd:-  “like attracts like”- whatever situations or circumstances we are in or will be, in the future are subconsciously created by our OWN thoughts.  Negative thinking people are the ones with the worst situations.  Unhappiness, ungratefulness, unfulfilled desires are all magnets that get drawn and stuck to our lives.  Changing the scenario to happiness, gratitude and wish fulfillment does not require a magic wand- because there is no magic wand.  What we HAVE is our thought process, beliefs, needs, desires and accomplishments.

Another bawa friend of mine has been making a seemingly profound statement since the time I’ve known him, (more than 30 years) -“ It is foolish to be wise”.  I still haven’t been able to figure out if he is grammatically challenged or what he states is actually true.  He refuses to explain any further, but never fails to continue making this statement at every opportunity.  The only reason I feel it is wrong is because he speaks very little English.  On the other hand he has never attempted to offer an explanation in Gujarati or Hindi either.  Now it is dawning on me that what he says may actually be true.  Using our “wise-dom” we have formed our own parameters of what is right and what is wrong.  Some of our thought processes are influenced genetically, some by our individual experiences or experientially and some by our observations.  If you ask me to eat a snake I will react      with an UGH !.  If you invite me for a beer and a meal of mutton dhansak with kebab and cachuber, I will  drool and ask you when ? similarly, if you ask an east- asian native ;   he will probably UGH ! at the mention of dhansak and drool    for the snake.  This anomaly is necessary for easing the understanding of the law of attraction and gratitude.

When we use our thinking pattern or thought process to desire something then simply add a generous dose of GRATITUTE for having received it already.  Don’t just imagine that you possess it.  Get into a “feeling” mode.  When you “feel” that you have got what you desire, gratitude will become a logical emotion. 

To make the flow of thank you easier for you, here are some suggestions :

1)    Count your blessings :   Make a list of 10 blessings.  Write WHY you are grateful.  Re-read    your list and at the end of each blessing, say thank you, thank you and feel as grateful for that blessing as you can.

2)    Sit down at a computer or with a pen and notebook and list out your top TEN desires or wishes.  Write thank you three times before each one as though you have already received it for example : THANK YOU  THANK YOU  THANK YOU for_(your desire)- reaffirm your acknowledgement of having received it and leave the rest to the amazing Law of Attraction to make it a reality.  For the skeptics I can only say;  atleast  DO IT and then agree or disagree.  This is not my law or anything I learnt in school or college or from my dad or father-in-law.  I am simply sharing a NATURAL LAW with you so you can meet up with your own aspirations, more easily.

“LET US RISE UP AND BE THANKFUL, FOR IF WE DIDN’T LEARN A LOT TODAY, AT LEAST WE LEARNED A LITTLE; AND IF WE DIDN’T LEARN A LITTLE, AT LEAST WE DIDN’T GET SICK AND IF WE GOT SICK, AT LEAST WE DIDN’T DIE; SO LET US ALL BE THANKFULL.”

                                                                                                                                                   GAUTAM BUDDHA(Circa 563BC – 483BC) Founder  of  Buddhism.

                                                                       

The laws are in the air you are breathing right now, they are in your home, office, park, on the street.  They are in the sunshine you like to bask in,  in the water coming out of your tap, in the food you eat, in the family you have, in all your friends, relatives and strangers, in every living organism including flora and fauna………. in every nook and corner of mother earth.

What are you waiting for ?

Just RAISE YOUR HAND AND TOUCH THEM.

LIVE THE LIFE YOU ARE MEANT TO

I can assure you only of one thing ………………………………..

LIFE FOR YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN – ONLY BETTER !!!!

The reluctant writer

Blog : reluctantwriter21@blogspot.in

e-mail : rwriterr@gmail.com

GRACE UNDER FIRE

Somewhere in our heart lives a little monster.  This guy trips us up at every opportunity we subconsciously or consciously allow him;  making us lose control of our emotions and reacting aggressively to provocation is his forte.  Usually, it is by our own lack of understanding that he manages to stay as long as he possibly can.  He makes his presence felt frequently, at times intermittently and sometimes rarely – but he manages to stay stuck where he is, and continues to devastate our happiness whenever he decides to appear out of his abode-- our very own heart.  There is nothing we charge him as rent for accommodation ,  on the contrary, we end up paying a price for all his appearances.

How often have we lost our temper for trivial issues ?  Stuck in traffic, our train is late, being made  to wait for an appointment – official or otherwise.  Getting pushed on a crowded street or in a train.  Another bike or car cutting into our lane suddenly causes us to react negatively with a cussword instinctively.  There is not an iota of thought behind our reaction, in-fact we react within a millisecond of the occurrence, so there is  NO TIME to think.  It happens in a flash.  The monster takes over.

There are other types of flashes that occur accidently too - like the one when Hollywood star Anne Hathaway gave photographs an eyeful after accidently flashing while getting out of the car at the New York premier of her new film recently.  Janet Jackson had her moment too, also Serena Williams and closer home Yana Gupta.

Back to the little monster, every time he appears, our emotions are completely  ALTERED         .  After we finish reacting angrily; with time our feelings begin to plateau towards equanimity.  We realize that our reaction was wrong to the situation.  Even an attempt to rationalize our behavior is not convincing enough ,and we actually feel regret or in an extreme case – remorse for our action.  You may agree or disagree but you may have been faced with this situation before  “ re-act now and repent at leisure.”

You can prevent this from happening in your life ever again.  Yes, by killing the little monster so he never ever bothers  you again.  It is important to practice gratitude every day.  Gratitude has immense power.  By being grateful for our mistakes, we learn to accept them. Because if we do not accept and acknowledge our mistakes, NATURE will create situations for us to repeat them, over and over again till the time we learn to acknowledge them.  This may sound ridiculous at first but you can list out AT LEAST 10 reasons to be grateful for ANY of your mistakes.  If you apply your mind you can think of 15 or even 20.  Lets say someone pushed you on the railway platform, you turned around and slapped him, he hit back, the little monster has struck, you were separated from each other by passersby, but ended up with a bleeding nose and two broken fingers.

What can you be thankful for?

1)    By crashing into you, this guy probably prevented you from falling on the railway track and coming under the wheels of the train !!!

2)   The delay caused by the melee  or situation prevented you from another possible accident that may have occurred on the road outside the station – after all you were in a hurry and could have got run over by a vehicle which may have broken a signal at that time causing more serious injuries then a bloodied nose and two broken fingers!!!

3)   It was a wake up call to watch your step next time and not to react violently if for no other reason then simply because the other guy may be much stronger than you!!!

4)    It will be a lesson for your entire family and friends once they get to know how it happened.

5)   Be grateful for the people who separated you both when they did – it could have been worse if they hadn’t – the BIG guy could have beaten  you to a pulp, and made you look like road kill !!!

6)   It may have cured your SINUS, PERMANENTLY. Think about the money you will save , going forward.

7)     You can finally get rid of the shirt you are wearing (because of the blood on it) and buy a NEW ONE NOW, which you had probably been procrastinating  about since long.!!!

8)    You get to see the inside of the railway police station when the crowd took you after the scrap. For the first time in your life, perhaps!!!.

9)   You get to see the compassionate side of the police as they accompanied you for medical attention to the nearest hospital!!!

10)        Thanks to the doctor who treated you post haste at the OPD because you were accompanied by a policeman!!!

11)        You can take 2-3days off work.  Thanks to your injuries .. . . . . . .. maybe even a week which you had been waiting to anyways and were struggling to find the right excuse for !!!

Another word for gratitude is GRACE.  A grateful person can remain calm under very provocative circumstances too.  Surely you must remember seeing at least one such person through your life.  He/She may be an actor, a player, your uncle, father or friend.  These people are in control of their emotions – consciously or otherwise.  They  exude     calm and grace.  Their secret is that they have GRATITUDE 24X7.

TO SPEAK GRATITUDE IS COURTEOUS AND PLEASANT,

TO ENACT GRATITUDE IS GENEROUS AND NOBLE,

BUT TO LIVE GRATITUDE IS TO TOUCH HEAVEN.

JOHANNES A. GAERTNER (1912-1996)

                                                                                                       Theologian,  Poet, Professor.

THE RELUCTANT WRITER

TILL STRESS DO US PART

TILL STRESS DO US PART

Harking back on my childhood days from 1960 to 1975, the changes I see around me now are so tangible , I can reach out and cut them with a knife. Our world, as we knew it , has just been ZAPPED into another domain and dimension.

I remember sitting out on our terrace with my parents, brother, sister and two neighbours, every Wednesday @ sharp 8pm, eyes and ears firmly tuned into radio Ceylon to hear Amin Sayani take us through Binaca Geet mala.That one hour was the most seriously sought out entertainment for probably millions of other families across India,Pakistan and Ceylon.If for some reason one missed the broadcast, the others would have to confirm the sequence of the songs played out – specially the last one , as it was dubbed SARTAJ,i.e. the TOP SONG of the week. That was the closest we were to Top of the Pops of today.

 With the technological explosion happening right under our feet  and opening up of the global markets we have morphed into complete automatons. To get anything done NOW, is an endless pursuit of instructions – Press THIS for THAT and vice versa.There is no tuner for the transistor. As a matter of fact , ther IS NO TRANSISTOR !!  Sure we have FM , I- Pads, and what have you but the static and crackle of the past is GONE- in 60 seconds, if you please!! Binaca Geet Mala is dead for sure, the only Amin my history loving nephew came up with was Idi Amin, the African dictator. Also Binaca has seamlessly morphed into Colgate .

This is not a trip down memory lane by an old fogey,  that I am imploring you to read – just be patient as I show you the bigger picture.

Inspite of my, admittedly, half- hearted attempts at comprehending the latest techno jargon – read Apps,Android,Tablets,Downloads,Uploads and what have you, I am still a Dummy at comprehending  all this stuff. AND I FIRMLY BELIEVE I WILL SURVIVE, till whenever I am destined to , carrying this burden of blissfull ignorance.

The word STRESS was used ONLY if we had to do something physically taxing, like having to push the family car on a cold winter morning when it stalled. Today we use it at the drop of a hat. I am STRESSED out , you are STRESSED out, we are ALL STRESSED OUT. Everything is so competitive and “ taxing “ that we simply HAVE TO get STRESSED. And then look for  ways to DE- STRESS.How DISTRESSING!!!

Simple addition of a housewive’s budget requires a ‘calci’, calculator for the dummies. Better still just make an excel sheet and pronto , you are all totalled. Sure , even I had to learn a few things on a computer – to avoid being pushed off this techno-savvy planet. Every thing and gadget comes with the tag of being User Friendly, a nice word , but on the other hand ,it also means- Follow the instructions or else IT, whatever gadget you are holding in your hand, may either disintegrate OR worse -EXPLODE (TAKING YOU TO KINGDOMCOME alongwith IT!!).

My question is :If all this makes your life EASY – WHY ARE WE ALWAYS SOMEWHERE ON THE STRESS BAROMETER? LOW, HIGH OR COMPLETELY!

Even a three year old waiting for his first interview @school experiences IT. A student, housewife, husband, employer, employee, waiter, businessperson, entrepreneur, janitor experiences stress. The only answer that comes to mind is that we have ALLOWED IT TO CREEP INTO OUR GENETIC THINKINGBY SHEER REPITITION- (I am equally guilty of  using the word atleast 36 times in this writeup). We are ourselves guilty of compounding and GIVING the ‘S’ word such importance in our lives.

I  have no desire to offer any advice to anyone on how to de-stress .i leave that to the “experts”.

But I am fairly confident- IF WE STOP AFFIRMING THE “S” WORD ITSELF- which we are all probably guilty of doing approximately 10 times a day on an average- to describe various phases of our waking hours- THE DAMN THING WILL DISAPPEAR BY ITSELF!!

Simplistic solution???

GO AHEAD , TAKE A SHOT AT IT- YOU NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR “STRESS”.

fwriterr@gmail.com

the reluctant writer.